Monday, January 5, 2009


i have finally reached a milestone in my life; i have sucessfully lost two jobs in a row, due to the down turn here in the automotive aftermarket, here in beautiful cold and dreary michigan, in the last three years; for 27 years, in this industry, i hadn't ever been without a job; now, with the looks of things, i maybe without for a while again.
but truth be told, i feel my medical condition also has something to do with my demise as well; i wear a scarlet "D" on my chest, "D" for depression/bi-polar. you see, for most of my life, i bore witness to the fact i had and lived with this form of mania. most people face it, depression, in their own fashion or form. we all face depression, at some point in our lives, but the medical condition i live with, must be treated with medications for me to live a some what normal life. unlike many who are in denial about their own mental health, who use illegal drugs or over abuse the brown bottles, i don't self medicate; i stay true to my path and take my meds as needed. sure, i have days, in which i slip and fall and could use more help, or better afford my medications to upkeep my moods as best i can, but truth be told, it's not always easy, nor is it always that simple. depression strikes each person differently and with no compassion; but i am not here to teach or to judge, just to say, like others who seek their own help thru abuse of substances, we who suffer from within, only wish others to understand our own personal hell and treat us as such.
see, i made the mistake, when i would suffer a major setback, to announce my short comings, as what they where, not looking for shoulder to cry on, just to say, look, i am human and i can falter.
alas, ignorance, comes in many colors and silently, behind my back, the whisperings of weak link, not up to par, or what ever mis-givens one can label me as, came to bear. sure, the economy was a easy target, but inside, any real gains made, were wiped clear by thoughts of less than perfection, due to my mental health issues.
stress, the good and the bad; can be and is a major killer of men and women. many people are able to hide their battles with stress, whether behind the coatails of booze, drugs, abuse of any kind or just better understanding and being able to counter any or all miscomings thru smarter and wiser living. i don't know or understand each others issues; i only know and live my own, and thru living my own life, i better understand, the more i understand my own short comings, i can better adapt my own weaknesses to the misgivens others may have of me.

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